Obama was inaugurated on the 20th of January. So, where were you? Is it a moment you will remember as an “I was <insert action> when he was speaking”?

Maybe.

Personally, I was lounging on my King sized bed eating a pot of strawberries with clotted cream. Maybe not the most endearing thing to say if someone asked you this question.

Nevertheless, some pundits (pundits being defined by the Jon Stewart on his Daily Show as someone who could properly spell the word “pundit” as well as simultaneously insert it before there name, every-time they had to write it) criticized newly crowned President Barack Obama for not being emotional enough with his speech. To those pundits, pull your head out of your bum, read the Inauguration Speech, and realize it is a bitter-sweet analysis of the reality of the state of the USA.

If you’re not one to comb through and reinterpret an, admittedly, dry speech, to wring the meaning out of it, you would much prefer to re-write it.

Whether you would like to make it more amusing, or more emotional, Atom.com, in celebration of the Presidents speech, have released the awe-inspiring Inauguration Speech Generator. Admire your creativity, without all of the blather in between:

http://www.atom.com/spotlights/inauguration_speech_generator/

Here is my version of the Inauguration speech, which, I feel, is more appropriate for the occasion:

Barack Obama’s Inauguration Speech
My fellow Americans, today is a Plumbers-crack of a day. You have shown the world that “hope” is not just another word for “Small Czechoslovakian Green Tomato Inspector”, and that “change” is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually use to Dig a hole to plant many small ceramic Garden Gnomes. 

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces Mountainous and Large incoherent challenges like never before. Our economy is Port-hole-like. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for Mesopotamian Jumping Hippos. Our healthcare system is Lime-green. If your Left ear, right nostril and ninth nipple is sick and you don’t have insurance, you might as well call a Bored Overweight Lichen Licker. And America’s image overseas is tarnished like a Oversized, orange and slightly smelly potato or used wrench from Tajikistan. But Shiftily sneaking together we can right this ship, and set a course for a Serbian oil refinery.

Finally, I must thank my slightly bald family, my unbelievably wrinkly campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank the population of Khirghizatan that enjoys stale mead for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of sonorously yodeling the American people. Without your severely thick-headed efforts, none of this would have been possible.

That’s it for now kids!

Sorry about the length between this and my last post. I have been incredibly lazy (and consequently, have become incredibly fat) due to my current holiday occupation as a part-time bum.